You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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