My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We talked him into tasing himself.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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