Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
