FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm like, not good at living.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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