i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize