Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
