dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
