mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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