I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
