I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He felt like a one man threesome
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
