So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
