Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
