yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
