Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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