Kiss
Puke
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
