We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
