I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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