All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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