and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
