Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
