You don't have asthma, your pregnant
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
