Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
