Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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