No stitches, just platelets and will power
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
