I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize