Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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