she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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