It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
