The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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