I should be sponsored by Trojan
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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