so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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