i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
