You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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