I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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