She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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