Cold hands, warm shart.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
