ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
