so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
