It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
