Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
