i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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