Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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