I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
