honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
