Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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