He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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