My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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