She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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