Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
