You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
