matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize