the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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