Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
