so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
