I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
