Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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