I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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