Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
