i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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