New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
