It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
