I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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