It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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