I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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