I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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