Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
