dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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