whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
